Cold Approach Challenge Recap - A Female's Perspective

facebook Cold Approach Challenge Recap   A Females Perspective0twitter Cold Approach Challenge Recap   A Females Perspective3google Cold Approach Challenge Recap   A Females Perspective0linkedin Cold Approach Challenge Recap   A Females Perspective0reddit Cold Approach Challenge Recap   A Females Perspective0stumbleupon Cold Approach Challenge Recap   A Females Perspective0


Week 1 - A Female's Perspective

Becoming ‘a great conversationalist’ and making your personality more attractive to others is definitely a good resolution to start off 2014. Believing that ‘pretty much everything you experience in life can be learned’ gives you motivation to try and improve your character. Self-improvement is an indispensable trait of human evolution and gives us an additional sense of purpose to every day of our life. I always recommend expanding your comfort zone.

I have to admit that guys who can ‘effectively enter a room knowing absolutely no one and quickly warm the place up with their presence’ are the types of guys most girls find attractive. It’s natural to think that someone who is self-confident and appreciated by everyone has more value than a guy who is socially withdrawn, sitting quietly in a corner without being noticed by anyone. Girls subconsciously want to find a man who brings value to the environment with merely his presence.

I definitely appreciated your challenge of 180 Days of initiating conversations with complete strangers. You have nothing to lose and the outcome of your experiment should be excellent. I definitely agree that ‘the best judge of your attractiveness will always come from members of the opposite sex.” As rough as it sounds, it’s definitely true. I have the utmost respect for you not being afraid of hearing the truth directly to your face. Strangers have no reason to be kind to you (except for common courtesies and politeness) and the honesty of their comments might be hard to handle, but it’s definitely worth using their feedback to grow constructively. How else could you learn what works the best, if not by practicing?

When you approach a new girl, you are a total stranger to her, so always behave in a cool, laid back way as you did at the movies. Choosing the mall as your “hunting area” was a good choice. It’s no secret that we love shopping, so there were surely a lot of girls in that area. And it’s a friendlier environment than say the middle of the night in some nightclub. I like the way you approached the girls in your videos. You are calm, polite, and patiently listen to what they have to say, digging into subjects that you intuitively feel may be more interesting for one girl than the other. Like when you asked about Norway while interacting with the Norwegian girls—you noticed a spark in their eyes when the conversation involved their home country.

Girls get bored fast when the conversation is banal and doesn’t lead to anything more than the weather or wherever you happen to be at the time. It’s important to respond to a girl’s feedback, avoiding being just another uninteresting guy wanting her number. The neutral compliment was perfect too, when you noticed that they were looking for some particular store, you said that they were cool and had great taste. Every girl likes to be complimented on small things like that— things that are trendy, no matter what the truth is, so it was a well played compliment.

Observing the body language of the Hungarian girl you talked with, she seemed flattered that you came just to talk to her. She even suddenly warmed up to you and took her clothes off. She probably wasn’t aware that naked arms would make a better impression on you than her winter coat. I liked the neutral compliments you used on that girl too; for example, “you look creative.” In my opinion, she didn’t seem too creative, but I guess everyone prefers looking creative, because it implies you have an interesting personality.

I like that you asked many questions; for example what she thought about London. These neutral things aren’t creepy and let her talk about herself. “It must be scary visiting a new country”, it’s also a good subject during the first conversation; you kind of imply that you admire her for her decision, that she is brave and so on. Nobody would take it as a negative. I also liked that you shared that a few years ago you were introverted. It’s also important to show your weak points (which are not weak because you have overcome them) to show her your human side.

You asked for her number in the best possible way. You should always mention that you would like to get to know her better, over coffee, etc. It seems natural and friendly, without putting too much pressure on her. Even when the girls rejected you, they did it in a nice way, and I’m sure that later they were happy that a nice guy had asked them out.

As you wrote, ‘rejections have happened and I’ve had women literally walk away from me’. That’s totally fine! It’s a part of the game. Once, in the club I came up with a metaphor for the pickup scene. I’m curious if you agree with me. The whole dating world is a bit like a big cherry tree. You can see there are many fruits to pick. Some of the cherries fell from the tree themselves. But those are usually a bit rough looking, you wouldn’t want to pick up an overripe cherry anyway. Those fine-looking cherries you like most are less accessible, growing high, exposed to the sun. You have to be creative about how you get to them. But usually when you finally make the effort and pick them up, the fruit taste much better.

I’m interested in how your experiment will go and look forward to reading about your progress.

Good luck Onder!

Other Posts in the 180-Day Cold Approach Challenge

Lifestyle

 Cold Approach Challenge Recap   A Females Perspective

About Sarah Williams

Sarah Williams is a 27 year old freelance writer who is passionate about psychology and the dating game. She writes with an honest female point of view about men and dating and can be found at get-a-wingman.com

  • http://badassu.net/ Mark Insight

    Interesting stuff.

    So this is how a girl views cold approach, but what about a girl cold approaching a guy?

    The tactics would probably need to be changed a little (she would not want to look desperate), but the overall approach would remain the same.

    I'm actually coaching a girl right now.

    Like you said, the best cherries are at the top. And if we want them (male or female) we have to work for it!

    • http://www.dawnofchange.com/ Onder Hassan

      Thanks for the insight bro.

      I actually had a discussion about this with a friend the other day and we eventually came to the conclusion that when it comes to courtship, it's the girl who essentially makes the first move.

      Not physically, but generally a non-verbal cue to let a guy know that she's interested. And it's then up to the guy to see the cues and to essentially walk up to her and start a conversation. The problem is, a lot of guys fail to see the cues due to inexperience and not being sensitive to their body language.

      Sometimes you can 'force' interest by smiling at her and getting her to reciprocate. It's the secret Direct Daygame guys don't seem to tell you and why they stop girls from the front.

      The reason they need to do this is because they allow themselves a split second to catch a girl's glimpse and to get her to smile. Once you have a girl smile at you, it's game on.

      But basically the whole theory is, a girl needs to give a guy permission first to talk to her and attract her. If she doesn't, then nothing will work.

      There's a lot of holes in the PUA community that I really want to help fill in on my blog, because they all seem to think that it's all up to the man when in reality, the girl also has a role to play in the process as well.

      • http://badassu.net/ Mark Insight

        Thats interesting cause I've come to the same conclusion myself.

        However consider this:

        Think how girls assume guys will just approach cause it is in their nature, but the reality is a lot of guys have to work over the approach anxiety, that you can approach during the day and girls like, and how.

        Now compare that to the guy (especially experienced guys who have figured a few things out over the years) thinking girls are suppose to drop signals first that it is in their nature, but (I think) the truth is a lot of girls think all they should be doing is looking pretty. The thought of dropping signal never crossed their mind, or if it did it would be too "slutty." Doesn't make sense to a guy, but most girl I know think a ton about that stuff.

        So I think women could learn "day game" but the game and tactics would be completely different for them.

        --------

        I think I've lost so many opportunities when it comes to smiling. Problem is unless I'm laughing or have my arm around a girl I have an unnatural smile. It looks like a clown had a stroke while smiling and now his face is stuck that way. lol

        • http://www.dawnofchange.com/ Onder Hassan

          You make interesting points bro.

          Here's the thing.

          The way the Game is played for both sexes is going to be completely different.

          A fairly attractive girl who takes care of herself isn't going to have a problem getting dates (and sex) from guys due to biology. Men produce millions of sperm cells on a daily basis, whereas a girl produces one Egg per month!

          It's the reason why they're selective by nature. They have to be because a lot is at stake if they end up picking the wrong mate.

          So their issue isn't getting guys, it's keeping them around. So ultimately, her role in the courtship process is to play her cards in a way that will make a guy want to stick around.

          And I think the advice given to these girls about how to do it is completely wrong. If a girl is nurturing, feminine and is able to demonstrate motherly traits that gives the guy the impression that she can be a good mother to his kids, then it will inspire him to want to invest more into the relationship.

          The truth is, girls like that are few and far between in this day and age. So when a guy meets a girl like that, he definitely tries his best to keep her. I've a met a few guys who's experienced this at first hand.

          I have a lot to say about this and will probably write an article about this in the next few days.

          • http://badassu.net/ Mark Insight

            They do say women are the gate keepers of sex and men the gate keepers of relationships.

            Problem is I've seen some of the most beautiful women in my life cry about not being able to find a good man. They can always find "a man" who would approach and has something going for him, but he is usually just full of himself and ultimately no good.

            Some of the best relationships I've seen (good kids, family life, career, happy, etc.) the guy was on the shy side and the woman made the first move (more than just IOIs).

            Besides shy guys, high quality men are selective just like high quality women. It doesn't, however, have to do with the fact they can have sex with whoever. Explaining men's behavior by the old "men can pregnant a girl and walk away" is being proven not entirely true. It has to do with the fact if he wants his genes to go pass the next generation (i.e. his children and grandchildren to pass his DNA along) he is much better being in a long term or permanent relationship and having a community that supports that relationship. Sure he can date around, but then the community wouldn't support his playboy ways (does depend on the community, but usually the best ones wouldn't support that). The community is usually key to if a future couple has access to resources or not, which a huge determinate if their children will succeed in life.

            Cold approaching sort of gets around this as you are probably talking to women who are not in your "community" or far enough removed that there are no social consequences. Ultimately, the real purpose of cold approach isn't for this, but rather to increase your options to find the best possible mate. But since not all guys do this, it would behove a women to give IOIs and essentially approach first.

            That being said there are always exceptions. I believe I read a study saying about 3-5% of men are wired just to seek sex and not relationships. They got their genes this far somehow.

            I think your argument goes to choosing the strategy that will make you the most dominate/successful. For men it is using logical and strategy while for women it is using their emotions and intuition (obviously there are exceptions). And you should stick to your strengths. However, both genders should be using both sides of their brain to be successful in life. Thus girls learning some type of game could be helpful. But not necessarily all of them need it just how I think not all guys need to study game despite what the PUA community tries to push/pressure with their sales tactics.

            Okay I'm spent on this argument. :/

            It is you blog so I'll let you have the final say if you have some more thoughts on the matter.

          • http://www.dawnofchange.com/ Onder Hassan

            I agree, girls definitely should take the time to understand the 'male experience' when it comes to dating to the extent of understanding what men have to go through as well as give them an idea of how to fulfil their own role.

            I've almost finished my latest article about it and will be published tomorrow :)

          • http://badassu.net/ Mark Insight

            Awesome! Will be looking forward to it.

  • http://www.eagerforsuccess.com/ Jeremy Truvillion

    I think women are only as important as we make them out to be. There only human beings just like we are. Its not like we have to put them on a pedastool and try to understand exactly how they feel. They have feelings and emotions just like we do.

    Everybody likes to have fun so why take the conversation too seriously? As a added bonus your a complete stranger to these women (that's how they look at you at first heck that's how I'd look at anybody if they randomly walked up to me and started talking, lol) if you go in for cold approach. So I mean I think its better to just talk to women as if you know them already.

    Interested in them, engaged in the conversation, etc. Just like you would with any other human being you respect, lol.

    • http://www.dawnofchange.com/ Onder Hassan

      True bro,

      But its very hard to do from cold. It takes a lot of practice but the cool thing is, the more you do it, the more you start to see patterns in their behaviour and begin to realise that they're all the same at a fundamental level.

      They all respond to the same stimulus, which helps you improve your ability to talk to them by seeing what works and what doesn't.

      • http://www.eagerforsuccess.com/ Jeremy Truvillion

        The reason why you probably feel that way is because they are in fact a stranger and your taking the initiative to talk to them. It's all good man I know where your coming from.

        But I think if you really wanna get over you fear of anxiety, you don't have to drill yourself. Make a life style change. Eat right, workout out, go out and have fun, learn new things. In my opinion you don't have to worry about women or anyone for that matter just worry about enjoying your life, pretty soon people will be naturally attracted to the way you carry yourself and how good of a human being you are.

        • http://www.dawnofchange.com/ Onder Hassan

          Good points bro and I agree. I did all of that stuff when I first got into the community in 2008.

          But what occurred to me along the way was that I was unhappy. I realised it was unhealthy because It was focused around girls and very needy behaviour.

          I now have a lifestyle that i'm happy with and has nothing to do with how many girls I attract.

          I also know loads of guys who have very attractive lifestyles who can't talk to girls.

          So building a lifestyle can never replace effective communication skills or 'Game' as its labelled in the pick up community.

          For me, i'm doing this because it's a great skill to have and is transferable. It's also portable, meaning I can go anywhere around the world in anonymity and get dates.

          Sure you can build a lifestyle, but you you can't take your lifestyle with you and it's never a good idea to use it as a crutch for something you think you lack.

          Your lifestyle isn't the value... You're the value ;)

          • http://www.eagerforsuccess.com/ Jeremy Truvillion

            lol your lifestyle is the value my friend. The way you lead your life (the way you carry yourself, look at people, respect people, the way you do things, etc.) defines who you are as a person. Inside and out. We all do things to achieve happiness. whether it be short or longer term.
            I can have all the value in the world but if I don't lead (take action) in my life to become who I want to become. Then I'm just wasting it.

          • http://www.dawnofchange.com/ Onder Hassan

            Ah, in that case I completely agree. Better to call it personal Values, character and integrity ;)

  • http://alphadark.com/ TheRiz

    Good post. "Have to admit that guys who can ‘effectively enter a room knowing absolutely no one and quickly warm the place up with their presence’ are the types of guys most girls find attractive."

    Very true statement, and one that I live by...

    • http://www.dawnofchange.com/ Onder Hassan

      Exactly,
      The key thing to get from it as well is that it doesn't take anything but your charm and personality in order to do it.

  • Pingback: Cold Approach Challenge - Dating Mistakes Guys Make - Dawn of Change()