Week 1 - A Female's Perspective
Becoming ‘a great conversationalist’ and making your personality more attractive to others is definitely a good resolution to start off 2014. Believing that ‘pretty much everything you experience in life can be learned’ gives you motivation to try and improve your character. Self-improvement is an indispensable trait of human evolution and gives us an additional sense of purpose to every day of our life. I always recommend expanding your comfort zone.
I have to admit that guys who can ‘effectively enter a room knowing absolutely no one and quickly warm the place up with their presence’ are the types of guys most girls find attractive. It’s natural to think that someone who is self-confident and appreciated by everyone has more value than a guy who is socially withdrawn, sitting quietly in a corner without being noticed by anyone. Girls subconsciously want to find a man who brings value to the environment with merely his presence.
I definitely appreciated your challenge of 180 Days of initiating conversations with complete strangers. You have nothing to lose and the outcome of your experiment should be excellent. I definitely agree that ‘the best judge of your attractiveness will always come from members of the opposite sex.” As rough as it sounds, it’s definitely true. I have the utmost respect for you not being afraid of hearing the truth directly to your face. Strangers have no reason to be kind to you (except for common courtesies and politeness) and the honesty of their comments might be hard to handle, but it’s definitely worth using their feedback to grow constructively. How else could you learn what works the best, if not by practicing?
When you approach a new girl, you are a total stranger to her, so always behave in a cool, laid back way as you did at the movies. Choosing the mall as your “hunting area” was a good choice. It’s no secret that we love shopping, so there were surely a lot of girls in that area. And it’s a friendlier environment than say the middle of the night in some nightclub. I like the way you approached the girls in your videos. You are calm, polite, and patiently listen to what they have to say, digging into subjects that you intuitively feel may be more interesting for one girl than the other. Like when you asked about Norway while interacting with the Norwegian girls—you noticed a spark in their eyes when the conversation involved their home country.
Girls get bored fast when the conversation is banal and doesn’t lead to anything more than the weather or wherever you happen to be at the time. It’s important to respond to a girl’s feedback, avoiding being just another uninteresting guy wanting her number. The neutral compliment was perfect too, when you noticed that they were looking for some particular store, you said that they were cool and had great taste. Every girl likes to be complimented on small things like that— things that are trendy, no matter what the truth is, so it was a well played compliment.
Observing the body language of the Hungarian girl you talked with, she seemed flattered that you came just to talk to her. She even suddenly warmed up to you and took her clothes off. She probably wasn’t aware that naked arms would make a better impression on you than her winter coat. I liked the neutral compliments you used on that girl too; for example, “you look creative.” In my opinion, she didn’t seem too creative, but I guess everyone prefers looking creative, because it implies you have an interesting personality.
I like that you asked many questions; for example what she thought about London. These neutral things aren’t creepy and let her talk about herself. “It must be scary visiting a new country”, it’s also a good subject during the first conversation; you kind of imply that you admire her for her decision, that she is brave and so on. Nobody would take it as a negative. I also liked that you shared that a few years ago you were introverted. It’s also important to show your weak points (which are not weak because you have overcome them) to show her your human side.
You asked for her number in the best possible way. You should always mention that you would like to get to know her better, over coffee, etc. It seems natural and friendly, without putting too much pressure on her. Even when the girls rejected you, they did it in a nice way, and I’m sure that later they were happy that a nice guy had asked them out.
As you wrote, ‘rejections have happened and I’ve had women literally walk away from me’. That’s totally fine! It’s a part of the game. Once, in the club I came up with a metaphor for the pickup scene. I’m curious if you agree with me. The whole dating world is a bit like a big cherry tree. You can see there are many fruits to pick. Some of the cherries fell from the tree themselves. But those are usually a bit rough looking, you wouldn’t want to pick up an overripe cherry anyway. Those fine-looking cherries you like most are less accessible, growing high, exposed to the sun. You have to be creative about how you get to them. But usually when you finally make the effort and pick them up, the fruit taste much better.
I’m interested in how your experiment will go and look forward to reading about your progress.
Good luck Onder!
Other Posts in the 180-Day Cold Approach Challenge
- Cold Approach Challenge (Week 1) – It Begins! (16/01/2014)