One of my biggest pet peeves about today’s society is the fact that people are so easily convinced with the bullshit that’s given to them about dating and relationships that they have literally deluded themselves and each other about what it really takes to become compatible with one another.
What many people seem to not understand or realise is that nothing is fact until you see it for yourself.
If you’re not actively going out there and having authentic communications with members of the opposite sex, then how are you to know whether the information that is given to you is factual or complete padding in order to attract more visitors?
The reality is, I would estimate that approximately 98% of the worlds population rely solely on social networking and dating sites in order to meet people. That is because many of us are simply too afraid to actually get rejected or to fail, because we’ve somehow managed to convince ourselves that getting rejected is a form of character assassination; that we’re not good enough, tall enough, good looking enough or whatever rubbish we end up formulating in our minds about why we shouldn’t talk to someone.
I have to be honest and say that you really do not know the facts until you actually experience it for yourself.
If someone of a perceived authority told you about a fact that you genuinely believed was true, would it be as powerful to you as actually seeing the truth for yourself?
Of course it wouldn’t!
That is because nobody has ever become skilful or knowledgable about something without actually rolling up their sleeves and getting stuck in… An artist creates art, a musician plays music, A cook makes food!
You can’t expect to call yourself an authority in dating nor have an insight into the opposite sex until you get to experience talking to them upfront.
The main problem i’m seeing is ‘technology’ and the ‘consumer mindset’. We’re bombarded with so much free information on the internet that we’ve become blinded to our true nature. We know far too much for our own good with little substance when it comes to experience.
It’s far too easy to avoid taking any form of action and to instead, simply consume information and to create buffers around ourselves in order to convince ourselves that we’re making progress.
It reminds me of the following quote:
[quote]To know, but not to do, is not to know[/quote]
If you’ve been a follower of my blog in the last few weeks, you’ll have already known that i’m currently hard at work with the 180-day cold approach challenge and documenting my journey.
Despite being 3 weeks in, i’ve already learned a hell of a lot as far as talking to women is concerned and have realised that most of the things I was told about women in the past was complete rubbish and have seen many holes due to actually going out there and seeing the truth for myself.
It’s the reason why i’m writing this post as it’s something, which I feel is important for my readers to know and to hopefully inspire you all to base your knowledge from first hand experience.
Here’s what i’ve learned so far:
1) It is a man’s job to approach but it’s not entirely his job to be liked.
The biggest lie I’ve ever received from dating sites is that ‘it’s a man’s job to do everything and to control every aspect of the interaction’. While this is partly true as a man has to lead and make stuff happen, it’s also up to the woman whether to give him the permission to do so.
Some may argue that it takes a while for a woman to warm up to and connect with you. But ultimately, whether a woman gives herself the permission to do so is entirely her decision. Having direct experience at Salsa dancing, I often compare it to dating as the dynamics are exactly the same: My best dances I usually have are often due to the woman allowing me to lead and for her to be a good follower.
This understanding gave me my first glimpse at one of the first mistakes women actually make when it comes to dating:
If you like a guy, allow him the opportunity to fulfil his role and to lead… DO NOT assume that role and give him a hard time!
This may sound sexist and misogynistic but it’s basic nature and biology.
In this month alone, I’ve approached and interacted with approximately 165 women so far and I have found that around 75% of them have been problematic precisely due to the above point.
This is due to again, being told wrong and absurd information from the media about what a man expects in the courtship process.
I will make a list of all the big ‘no-no’s’ for women in a future article. But for now. This is what i’ve noticed.
2) What girls say about what they like on a conscious level isn’t what they really like on a subconscious level.
When I look at my past relationships, I realised really quickly that the reason why the girls were with me in the first place wasn’t because of what I owned or what I had. It was all because I was able to provide her with good feelings and a connection that she otherwise wasn’t able to find elsewhere.
This is another misnomer in today’s society where we’re falsely told that status and consumerism is what makes you more attractive. While I don’t doubt it’s potency, it’s simply not what makes women feel attracted to you on an emotional level.
Yes, there’s no denying that displays of security is important due to showing signs of being able to take care of her and her offspring. The real facts are, women are guided by their emotions and are creatures of the moment when it comes to making decisions.
If you’re a man that can guide her emotions with the use of your language and presence and lead her towards intimacy. Then you’ll realise the truth behind what i’ve described above.
It takes no money and resources to be able to do any of this…
3) Every girl is the same on a biological level… But they’re all very different.
This point is probably controversial but it’s true!
If every one of us were different. Then it would simply be impossible for me to learn this skill set of becoming more attractive. Every single one of my interactions has showed me that all women have a hard wired process for interacting with members of the opposite sex and have very similar responses.
Science has also discovered that there are 16 personality types that we all fit into. Understanding these personality types literally gives you the uncanny ability to know how to interact with each one. And this is purely done through constant exposure and through reference experiences of going out there and interacting with these personality types at first hand.
Having said that however. On a sociological level, all of us have different personal experiences with different cultural backgrounds and beliefs. This is what makes social interaction so alluring, because while we are all similar we also have unique personalities and characteristics that allow us to have unique interactions with each other.
4) Indirect or Direct? who say’s you can’t do both?
Whichever approach you take, women intuitively know why you’re talking to them. I recently had a conversation with a friendly Russian woman that was completely non sexual yet was confused as to whether the reason I was talking to her was because I liked her or because I was ‘genuinely’ looking for some gift ideas for my mum’s recent birthday a few days ago (Video of the interaction to be shown in a future blog post)
Every girl knows why you’re talking to them. There will always be an element of sexual tension when talking to members of the opposite sex.
For female readers of my blog, I dare you to ask any one of your guy friends whether they would be happy to have sex with you if you were both placed in a small dark room and left there for a week.
With all of this in mind, I know for a fact that regardless of how your interactions are, some women are going to appreciate a different type of approach when it comes to attraction.
Some may like you up front and will appreciate your boldness, whilst other women will need time to get to know you a bit more before deciding whether to be with you or not.
As long as you’re a man who isn’t afraid to be in touch with his own sexuality, the fear of being seen as a friend will never be a problem.
Do you think modern dating is flawed? Please leave your thoughts and comments below…
Photo Credit: ashleypatty34