[quote style=”boxed”]There is no such thing as a rejection, only a negative perception…[/quote]how to build a connection with strangers

This article will serve as a radical departure to what you’re usually used to on my blog and perhaps any other personal development blog you’re used to reading.

Why the change? Well I’ve realised there are many articles out there that talk a good talk about what it means to be a better person, but rarely any evidence of people putting their money where their mouth is and in this article, I hope to do just that.

But first, let me ask you a question…

Have you ever felt scared to talk to new people?

If so, you’re not alone. There has been a running joke amongst friends that in order to build the dutch courage to talk to someone you like and to know how to build a connection with strangers, you would have to be sure to drink a good glass of alcohol.

It’s not uncommon to see people resort to online dating and social networking sites as a way of compensating for this lack of ability to start new conversations with people.

When looking at it closely, it serves as a buffer for rejection and lessens the sting of having someone physically reject you in person.

It was a problem I myself had to deal with and wasn’t aware of it’s negative effects until years later.

Talking to new people used to terrify me. It was so terrifying that I would often avoid leaving my room as a way of excusing myself from ever going out and socialising with people.

This forced me to learn what elements made a good interaction and learned how to break down exactly what they were.

I failed a lot…

Throughout the span of 5 years, I had made a lot of mistakes along my journey. While I would love to say that I didn’t feel frustrated along the way, it was simply not true. There were a lot of disappointments and failures, which encouraged me to look at my faults and what I was doing wrong.

Fast forward to today, I’m now able to start conversations with absolutely anyone. But more importantly, it’s allowed me to develop a feeling of abundance and a true connection with the outside world. It allowed me to feel better about myself, which was massive when it came to building my self-confidence.

So now you’re wondering ‘how’

How can I achieve the same results as you?

At the start of this article, I mentioned a departure to the type of content you usually see in most personal development blogs. So instead of writing what you need to do. I’ve decided to show you through ‘live demonstration’ how you can go out from today and do this for yourself.

Enjoy 🙂

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I can’t emphasise enough how powerful it is to watch someone do this in action and to see it broken down. But now it’s your turn!

Here’s your homework assignment:

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  • For the next 5 days, approach and interact with 1 new person a day and aim to make them feel good.
  • Review your progress after 5 days and note down how you feel – Do you feel better about yourself, or worse?

Would you like to see more videos and articles like this?
Please leave your comments underneath this video and let me know your thoughts.

Onder Hassan
Onder Hassan

Onder is the founder of Dawn of Change. He spends most of his time in the discovery of his own potential, building his self-confidence and using his experiences to share and teach others how to do the same.

    8 replies to "Act In Spite Of Fear: How To Build A Connection With Strangers"

    • Vincent Nguyen

      I found that building a connection came a lot easier not only when I listened more intently but when I began to talk about myself more too. Wait, how can you listen and talk to yourself more?

      Well, I realized I held back a lot. I kept stories to myself because I was afraid of this and that. People love stories and people relate to them.

      • Onder Hassan

        Thats definitely true. I find it hard to do though in the beginning of the interaction as it gets mistaken for neediness and insecurity.

        What I tend to do now is wait for them to ask me questions. I know i’ve engaged them when they start asking me questions like ‘Where are you from?’ ‘Do you live here?’

        Once I hear those questions, thats when I slowly start telling them more and more about myself because they’re genuinely interested in getting to know me 🙂

        In the beginning, I try and keep the topics focused on them as it helps build a connection.

        There’s a saying that I get reminded of all the time whenever i’m talking to someone brand new:

        “Revelations before the flood causes the creek to run dry”

        I can’t agree more lol

    • Richard M

      Hey Onder, Very nice! Is one person per day enough? Really? As a starting point I would generally like to encourage someone learning to meet and interact with other people more potently to approach… 10. Sure, the great wall of China was built one brick at a time… not one brick a day 😉

      I would suggest a learner of these arts to improve their dialogue with people they come into contact with on a daily basis. Strengthen Your Conversation Skill. Talk to the lady at the checkout, the bus driver, your colleague at work and everyone in between.

      Just get talking. Like any muscle in the body, the conversation muscle grows with exercise and it atrophies when it’s not used daily.

      I agree that one should always be looking to make those around them feel good but how exactly would someone who has little experience actually do that?

      Perhaps when you go to meet someone you want to be well presented. Speak clearly and well. Show interest in the person you’re talking with. Keep a comfortable distance from them as you are just a stranger to them (at the moment of approaching).

      Building trust is key also. Don’t approach with your hands in your pockets and if she steps back because you’re standing uncomfortably close for her, then you also should step back and watch as she steps forward. This is powerful as in her mind “She is moving towards you,” which is a lot better than if she is moving away from you.

      Sorry to go on about some details. I know you’re taking it lightly as it’s not your usual blog content. But well written article 🙂

      Thanks Onder

      • Onder Hassan

        Thanks Rich. Sure, it’s definitely recommended to approach as many people as they can on a daily basis. But I would imagine a lot of my readers would have difficulty just to approach in the beginning and would see the prospect of approaching 10 to be quite daunting lol

        I think to get the wheels moving, 1 per day should be sufficient for the first week and to then begin racking up the approach numbers once momentum is created.

        In terms of the small nuances in their interaction, I would say that will come in time with consistent practice and experience. That was definitely something I personally experienced when I first started approaching, thanks to your teaching 🙂

        The things you say are definitely of tremendous value. Thanks a lot Rich 🙂

        • Richard M

          Cool. There are a lot of people who are going to benefit from the info you publish! I have seen a few of your videos and think they’re really good for showing how to meet someone and build a relationship.
          Human communication and relationships are the most epic part of life. To know how to create feelings between yourself and others is such an awesome ability to have.
          One tip i’ll just mention briefly is 1. Your intention. When you approach someone what are you trying to accomplish, do you know? Most guys can’t approach women easily because they only have one things on their mind. If they were to approach women with the idea of meeting someone and having a nice chat and leaving then they will feel more relaxed and able to approach. But guys usually put so much pressure on themselves…
          They make it all about getting her to like him. This is not the right way to go about it.
          2. Make it all about her, how you can add value to her and perhaps make her day better. So you’re not approaching to get something but to give value. That really takes the weight of your shoulders.
          3. Lighten up. The more serious you make approaching people the less you’ll do it, the less fun you’ll have and the less progress you’ll have.

          Live To Give and Think About Others is my mantra. It helps me feel awesome, relaxed and happy. My goal is to meet people to build emotional experiences with.

          After all, if we don’t feel positive feelings towards each other we don’t really have anything in life. Lets all try to learn how to feel good about one another.

          Excuse the random thoughts 😉 I haven’t really thought about this in detail. Thanks Onder 😉 I’m really enjoying your blog posts.


    • […] Onder is a Dating Communication Expert […]

    • Hiten Vyas

      Hi Onder,

      This was an inspiring post and I loved what you shared about overcoming your social fears. It just goes to show what hard work and commitment can do.

      Thank you.

      • Onder Hassan

        Thanks Hiten,

        Absolutely. You can have all the knowledge in the world, but if you don’t apply what you know, then none of it will matter 🙂

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