One of the biggest challenges in life is finding your purpose and in understanding who you really are. The reason why its so challenging is because we simply do not want to feel rejected or turned down by our peers, or our friends or family. We would rather conform to their expectations of us in order to keep them happy whilst neglecting our own happiness.
This is especially difficult when you’re a nice person and refuse to tread on people’s toes or cause conflict. It’s due to this that i think being a nice person is often times difficult, not because of society despising nice people. But because nice people do not want to feel rejected or turned down.
This causes a few problems –
1) You no longer know what you like or dislike
2) You become a follower of the people around you.
3) You become too afraid of being yourself.
As a result, you start to become depressed and resentful and soon develop the mindset that being anyone but yourself is a bad thing and should be hidden away from society.
If you’re a nice person with the above problems. I have news for you…
It’s tough to get out of.
You may have friends in your life right now that may not be in line with who you are.
Perhaps you might be in a job or organization that you’re not in line with.
Or maybe you’re in a relationship that you’re not happy with.
Whatever the case may be. When you realize this and start to make changes in your life in order to grow. You may end up burning bridges and losing friends along the way due to no longer conforming to it. Not because you refuse to, but because you’re now aware and comfortable with your identity and who you really are. Previous to this, you may have felt the opposite.
The number one reason why you may not at present, be willing to change is because of fear. If you’re willing to tackle your fears directly, your self-confidence and faith in your abilities will eventually rise. Then you’ll start to realize that being yourself is the only way to ever find true happiness and self-esteem.
But how can we develop the courage to take action if you’re afraid?
Leo Babauta from zenhabits writes a really great article on this. And i completely agree with his explanation. If i could sum up one thing that you can do right now in order to develop self-confidence. I would suggest the following.
Keep a diary/journal
It’s never a good idea to keep your thoughts in your head. The best way to ever dispense your worries and feelings is through writing it down. The benefits of doing this is that over time, you’ll be able to look back at your past worries and relate it to your present life. You’ll soon learn to understand that your thoughts and worries aren’t ever permanent, and will eventually give you the confidence you need in order to keep going whilst not being afraid to take risks.
Most of our worries and fears come from future projections and doubts as to whether our life will be the way we want it to go in the future. Particularly when it involves other people’s expectations of us.
If you instead start taking action despite your fears. You will eventually develop the courage to move forward and begin meeting and attracting people that are in line with your purpose and mindset.
Never be afraid of letting people down. As long as you feel comfortable with who you are, what you do and how you feel. Your ability to live a quality life will begin to flourish.