The biggest cause of frustration, is in the expectation of achieving goals. If you really want to see a change in your life, develop the attitude to explore and enjoy what you’re doing without any expectations.

The main issue which I think plagues a lot of us in life is the times when we’re at an all-time low and don’t know how to recover from failure. I know because I’ve been there one too many times in my life, and have often felt useless with my abilities and ultimately with myself.

I would often doubt my potential and consistently forget the times where I succeeded. This continued throughout my teens and into my early twenties where my belief towards success and achievement were the only things I thought would define who I was as a person.

While I don’t blame myself for ever having this belief. I was perhaps sensitive to a lot of society and it’s false expectations of what we’re here to do. As this continued, I started to see a pattern in my behaviour which became clearer as the years progressed.

  • I constantly looked for approval
  • I wanted to be liked
  • I did things despite not wanting to do it
  • I didn’t want to cause conflict by saying no.
  • I felt limited in comparison to others

What this resulted was a person who was at odds with himself. Constantly looking for solutions and fighting against his perceived weaknesses which regardless of what he did, was still something he had to face on a daily basis.

The turning point

I honestly don’t know what exactly changed, but I can say that around the age of 23, I had started to become aware and see things from a new perspective. Most of it had come from the books I read and the people I met along the way. I was never considered a reader but having read a few personal development books, I started to make small but profound realizations.

Life’s too short

Why are we here exactly? Surely it isn’t to live under someone else’s expectations. Granted, we have rules and regulations in place to keep us safe and in order. But really, we are free to be and do whatever we choose to do with ourselves. The best place to start this transformation is to realize that everything you choose to do stems from the decisions you ultimately make. Not what your parents told you, or what you’ve seen or heard, but what you’ve decided to do.

It’s a simple yet powerful realization because it starts to become obvious that where you currently are is a direct result of the decisions you made in the past. And this is important because it takes awareness to begin changing and setting a new path.

There’s no such thing as blame

If you’re ever blaming anyone or anything about your circumstances then chances are, you’re living in the past. The truth is, it’s the present that we really need to focus on because it defines what we’re to experience in the future. The past is a learning experience regardless. Sure we get our butts kicked from time to time, or we’re told something we didn’t like. But it’s all for good cause.

Nothing stays the same

This is perhaps even more of a reason why you should cherish the present and the key thing that keeps me motivated to carry on despite dead ends. We’re consistently taught that life and success is a continuous straight line going upwards. But the reality is, it’s a curve, dip, wave and at times, a straight horizontal line. Are you in it for the long haul? If not, then it’s time to evaluate what you truly want.

You can’t get to where you want to be without first experiencing pain

We’re often told success stories of people that have made it to the top but rarely ever shown the journey leading up to it. It’s the reason why I love reading autobiographies so much. I often remind myself this with a simple quote:

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

So what does this have to do with who you are?

Everything you ultimately decide has an underlying emotion. This emotion comes from your self-concept. So if you feel good about yourself, this affects your emotions accordingly. Likewise, if you’re in doubt, see yourself with negativity, your emotions and decisions leading up to it naturally follow.

The best advice I can ever give to anyone which is something I tell my friends all the time is to simply get stuck in. Yes, you will make mistakes, yes it is painful. But you will never come out the other side the same person.

Your self-concept and self-confidence will hardly ever stay where it is if you decided to take action and try things out. You will feel it within yourself once you get the momentum going. Give it a go… I dare you 😉


Onder Hassan
Onder Hassan

Onder is the founder of Dawn of Change. He spends most of his time in the discovery of his own potential, building his self-confidence and using his experiences to share and teach others how to do the same.

    6 replies to "How To Recover From Failure"

    • will cowan

      Nice post. Always good to get other peoples views on failure and success etc. Nice website too.

      • Onder Hassan

        Thanks Will. There’s still so much to write about. Early days yet but this is just the beginning 🙂

    • Chris Haldenby

      Good work bud,

      You have to fail to learn. As long as you can come out of the other side of failure with the mind set to succeed you will be a winner.

      • Onder Hassan

        Thanks Chris.
        I think failure is life’s lesson to teach you what not to do. It’s an interesting way of looking at things for sure.

    • Great post, Onder.

      “We’re often told success stories of people that have made it to the top but rarely ever shown the journey leading up to it.”

      Exactly, Onder. That’s why some think success is easy. When they put in the effort and realized how difficult it was, they will give up because they didn’t expect it to be that difficult.

      For some, they’ll think that reaching the top is crazily difficult. But they forgot about their stage – the beginning. If they just put in the effort, they can reach the top in no time.

      I like to sum it up with the following blog post title from Life Without Pants (http://www.lifewithoutpants.com/)-

      “Never Compare Your Beginning to Someone Else’s Middle”

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