[quote style=”boxed”]You will never know how great you are until you begin accepting it…[/quote]you are enough

The main purpose of this post isn’t really to give you yet another ‘how to guide’ on why and how you should be and act in order to feel worthy.

Rather, to let you know of a little secret as to what’s been missing in our lives all along yet in front of our noses and as clear as day.

If I had to name one thing about my life in the last 10 years since entering my twenties, it’s the idea that I never had the internal belief that who I was, was enough to feel good about myself and my abilities.

Looking back, I achieved quite a lot for myself – I reached grade 4 in Violin, became a Martial Arts Instructor in the space of a year from starting, obtained a degree, worked along side a successful entrepreneur, became an expert Cuban Salsa dancer in as little as 3 years.

Yet here I was, still asking myself the very same question.

What can I do to be worthy of other people?

It was a never ending cycle that always came biting me in the ass consistently throughout my entire youth, and never quite understood why I felt compelled to live up to other people’s expectations.

As bad and unhealthy as it sounds, it’s something we all go through every day on a continual basis:

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  • Living up to your manager’s expectations
  • Being the ideal boyfriend/girlfriend for your partner
  • Being the ideal mate for potential boyfriends/girlfriends
  • Following guidelines and systems in school or academic organizations
  • Acting accordingly that’s socially acceptable in different environments

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You look at it and you wonder why so many people haven’t a clue on who they really are. I’ve spoken to a few people recently having read my blog, asking me questions about how they can learn to feel happy and be ‘like everyone else’. Thinking that there is something not quite right with them.

Having read their problems, it was fascinating to discover how common their problems were with mine. I too felt the same way and felt like an outsider, like something was not quite right.

I didn’t feel like I could fit in no matter how hard I tried and concluded it to just being an introvert who did things by himself without the involvement of others.

Having looked at it logically, I’ve come to realize that the only way you can really overcome this whilst not hurting your own identity is to learn to compartmentalize common norms with the ideals that are personal to you.

What this does is that instead of it being a definition of who you are, you’re instead learning to separate common societal norms from your own character and allowing you to be yourself without feeling depressed or doubtful.

Putting it all together

When you separate the 2, you will allow yourself to create a fine balance between what’s expected of you and what you expect from yourself.

I’ve been told from people how making compromises is the only solution, which I disagree with. It’s seemingly impossible to make compromises of your own character as it will hurt your self-esteem and self-respect.

So here’s a solution:

Base Level – Societal Norms

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  • Expectations of your family/friends/spouse
  • Following school/company guidelines
  • Being socially calibrated
  • Being a good citizen
[/unordered_list]

Identity Level – Unique Qualities

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  • What makes you happy
  • Your personal systems and daily activities
  • Your interests
  • Your character and unique personality
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Ask yourself the following questions…

Am I doing anything wrong based on society’s standards?

If not,

What’s stopping me from being and doing what I want to do and how I choose to live my life?

The second question is vital because it will allow you to stop comparing yourself to others and to finally realise that who they are isn’t to be compared. You’re your own person, and as long as you fulfill basic expectations, there’s really no way to judge yourself negatively.

Finally, learn to accept the way you are.

There’s a reason why you do things the way you do. But if there’s something about you that you feel is stopping you from reaching your ideal then by all means, grow and adapt. But never change your fundamental essense. There is a big difference between change, and growth.

But then again I could be wrong with all of this 🙂

What are your thoughts? Please leave your comments below…

photo credit: SweetOnVeg


Onder Hassan
Onder Hassan

Onder is the founder of Dawn of Change. He spends most of his time in the discovery of his own potential, building his self-confidence and using his experiences to share and teach others how to do the same.

    10 replies to "You Are Enough"

    • t.

      I think this mentality can only be afforded by “normal” people. If you’re having a dry, awkward spell then sure just be yourself. Otherwise, you need to figure out where you’re broken and fast or else you’ll wake up and see how life has passed you by.

      • Onder Hassan

        Thanks for the comment.
        You are right, I definitely recommend someone see a councilor if they have issues beyond normal control.

        My dad used to always tell me that sometimes, we need to learn to be our own doctor. It made a big effect on me ever since, because it’s true.

    • Hiten Vyas

      Hi Onder,

      This was a really interesting post and it brought a smile to my face as it’s wonderful to see your own development through your writing and insights you’re sharing.

      When I first got into self-development, I was in a pretty bad place. I wanted to do all I could to improve my life and this meant pushing myself way out of my comfort zones.

      I’ve noticed though that as I’m moving through my thirties, I no longer need to push myself as much. The more I think about it, the more I think it has something to do with the change-growth distinction you made. Certain activities that previously helped me grow, don’t necessarily do anymore.

      Thank you.

      • Onder Hassan

        Hi Hiten,

        I know what you mean. I’m experiencing a similar thing to you in that the older i’m getting, the less effort I put in with my development. I guess it’s because we spend the majority of our twenties trying to get used to our new adult selves and have a hard time trying to adapt, which takes a while to achieve.

        It does also get easier though because you learn to weed out the things you don’t like with the things you do and end up improving a lot faster versus how it used to be when you were younger and taking a more shotgun approach to your development. 🙂

    • Tom Dixon

      There are so many times that we can move forward and improve ourselves without changing who we are….it just takes some creativity. You don’t have to take every piece of feedback you get – it is okay to ignore those things that you don’t want to change as long as you are intentional about it.

      • Onder Hassan

        Very true,
        I guess tha’ts what makes life so difficult as you have to take every feedback from around you and make a decision on what to take in and absorb and what to reject. It takes a lot of time and experience, especially when it comes to avoiding mistakes and hard ships. which is definitely something that comes with your development. Thanks for the comment 🙂

    • Kevin Cole

      This was one of the best posts I’ve ever read over here. Good shit man.

      The idea of self-acceptance is a tough one. Mainly because so many people are very discontented with their lives. They feel like they are not worthy of being enough.

      One of the major problems with personal development is how many people think that they suck and personal development will fix them. But a better mindset would be “I’m already awesome, but I wouldn’t mind building upon what I already have.”

      I like how you broke down base level and identity level. I’ve never seen anybody break it down from that angle.

      Great post dude.

      • Onder Hassan

        Thanks Kev, that means a lot 🙂

        Self-acceptance is tough for sure. It’s taken me years to figure it out and to apply it. A lot of people who cover self-help tackle it using techniques and strategies, which works but is only a band-aid to the underlying problem.

        The biggest challenge is trying to find a solution without using techniques., because most of us need external proof to convince us that we are good enough.

        If we could make people believe that they’re good enough from the start, that would be the pinnacle of self-help in my opinion 🙂

    • […] the way, I started to make big realisations of who I was as a person. I realised that I was enough, and that what I was simply going through was a series of trials and failures to get me to where I […]

    • […] The third point i’m going to go into because it seems like a massive contradiction to everything i’ve said in previous articles about self-acceptance. […]

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