[quote style=”boxed”]We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light – Mary Dunbar[/quote]

self confidence
A key to self confidence?

Looking back at my childhood, I remember it being quite intimidating and frustrating. I often used to wonder what self confidence actually was and was always told to be happy and have faith in myself and my abilities.

The problem with that was, i never used to know how due to my core beliefs after years of negative influence and bad experiences from school and the media.

It wasn’t until my early to mid-twenties when i started to realize what was going on. The fortunate thing for me at the time was that i was surrounded by the right mentors, the right family and the right friends who were always supportive and accepting of me, despite lacking self-esteem and a solid identity.

Because of this, it gave me enough motivation to finally do something about it, and felt that the best way to improve would be to start new activities and hobbies in order to develop and improve who i was. After a few years as my skills and abilities improved, i felt very confident.

But then something interesting happened. When it came to things outside of those activities, i still felt a lacking in confidence and still had anxiety. Socially, i was still uncalibrated, didn’t have many friends and had no drive to want to go out and meet new people.

This is the #1 myth about self confidence that many people seem to get wrong. The idea that in order to be come confident, you would have to do it consistently until you become skillful.

Sure you’ll get better. But it doesn’t necessarily tackle the core issue.

The problem

The problem is, becoming confident at an activity or skill doesn’t necessarily reflect on the level of confidence you have with yourself. There are many people who are great at what they do, yet still have a negative self-image. Think of the famous celebrities who turn to drugs and alcohol as an example. Clearly, they are good at what they do yet something always seems to be missing.

In my honest opinion, i would say that the biggest symptom comes from the expectations we learn to embrace in the media. Something which was all too common in school where i hardly ever felt part of the crowd who were seen as popular. It seemed to me that being different and unique wasn’t an ideal place to be due to standing out. And that in order to fit in, i would have to dress the same way, talk the same way and behave the same way.

In reflection towards it. It doesn’t make sense at all because you’re no longer who you are and rather going with the times and the latest trends. Or in other words, becoming a product of what society and the media is telling you to become.

Is it no wonder why happiness is so uncommon?

The solution

I really do think that the moment we start to recognize the core problem and the reasons as to why its happening, is the moment we’ll all begin to take radical steps toward the correct path and to eventually stay true to our core identity.

Lifestyle


Onder Hassan
Onder Hassan

Onder is the founder of Dawn of Change. He spends most of his time in the discovery of his own potential, building his self-confidence and using his experiences to share and teach others how to do the same.

    2 replies to "The #1 Myth About Self-Confidence"

    • Tony Robinson

      Great post Onder. But can I disagree? Well, not really disagree, but just point out that there’s a difference between self confidence and self esteem. Self confidence is how competent and capable we feel in a certain skill or task.

      Self esteem on the other hand is the overal, holistic view we have of ourselves. It’s the emotions and beliefs we have of ourselves.

      What do you think?

      • Onder Hassan

        Hi Tony,

        You are completely right. Self-Esteem is the belief you have of yourself and Self-Confidence is the belief you have of a certain task or activity as you pointed out.

        But I do think the 2 go hand in hand, because if you have good Self-Esteem, it makes undertaking a task a lot easier as you won’t feel as hopeless or demotivated whenever you face a difficult situation along the way as is typical with most activities when starting off.

        Thank you for commenting! 🙂

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